Tag Archives: I miss my momma

Energy transferred

Among the archives sent with me on this mission was a paper/essay on energy transference. The paper stated that when a mother dies her energy is transferred to what she loved the most. Unclear of how that works with a mother who had several children before their passing. As I read this paper I felt like there was some sort of truth to it.

Believe me or not ; I really don’t care.

Maybe a month or two after my mother passed I found myself laying in bed , half asleep. I felt something reach out to me. When whatever it was grabbed a hold of me I felt as something was charging me. Maybe the better term is downloading to me.

At first I thought this was another sleep paralysis episode. Usually after one of those I’m drained of my energy. Not this time. I wasn’t wired or drained.

I was merely just ok.

Moving forward I started seeing the world different.

I believe a lot of that came from no longer having my buffer to the world by my side anymore. I had to deal with all of these things and people head on.

Almost as if I was being battle tested.

A lot of those battles I lost.

But like the phoenix that rose from the ashes those defeats just made me stronger.

I don’t know why I am writing this. Just a thought I had on my mind.

Better out than in.

-TC

2/13 6 years deep.

During Covid I did a lot of YouTube watching. Don’t know if I’m technically right or wrong with this but during that time I watched a lot of stuff on autism. From what I processed was the bond between a parent and an autistic child is incredible. I’m guessing because what I interpreted was that this child lived in their own world and it was the parent was the only one that could get through to them.

When they raged out- it was the parent to calm them down. When they didn’t get what they wanted – it was the parent that explained it to them. No counselor no sibling; nothing. of that one parent , rather trusted person, wasn’t there to explain the situation- you had no luck getting through to them.

As I creep up on to the six year anniversary of my momma going to be with the ancestors I just look how our relationship was almost that of an autistic child and their parent .

When people would call – I would call momma and say “momma what these crazy people want?” Then she would either fill me in on the latest gossip or we would joke about how crazy the people are.

Then let’s say some drama was really getting good we would meet up for drinks and dinner. Most of the time it was just drinks. Say what you want strawberry margaritas are still my favorite. Outside of old Fashions.

I could go on forever about the lessons , the tough love, the extra love, the warnings, and the rules she gave me growing up.

Honestly I don’t even know why the fuck I’m writing this. I guess I didn’t want this to be rolling around in my head.

But momma if there is a computer up in paradise…

I hope you’re able to read this and know that I miss you more and more everyday…

Especially when these people act stupid. They are a bunch of no common sense having ass mafuckas! I swear momma!

Ps: if you can read this- pretty please find Charles Lee and let him know two more years -Maybe three – I’ll have WM at the end of my name!

PSs: Let grandpa know… I’m just like him! lol.

Love,

Pumpkin Head.